"U" Is For Understanding
/As always, I want to offer my sincere apology to Sue Grafton for using (stealing??) her approach for the titles of her many outstanding mystery novels for this series of articles that I hope makes YOU a happier and more effective leader working with a truly empowered team that really enjoys what they do! Oh, and if you have not read any of Ms. Grafton’s novels I highly recommend that you give her a try.
What is Understanding?
What does the word “understanding” mean to you? Well to help in fully understanding what the word “understanding” means (no pun intended!) I decided to do a bit of research using Goggle and here’s some of what I found.
“Understanding” can be a noun or an adjective:
Noun
The ability to understand something, comprehension for example “foreign visitors with little understanding of English.”
Adjective
Sympathetically aware of other people’s feelings; tolerant and forgiving, for example “people expect their doctor to be understanding.”
Having insight and good judgement.
For this article I want to focus on the adjective usage of the word “understanding.” Here are few additional definitions for “understanding” to help you focus on the meanings that I want to share with you.
A mutual agreement not formally entered into but in some degree binding on each side.
Friendly or harmonious relationship.
An agreement of opinion or feeling: adjustment of differences.
Tolerant, sympathetic
Got a feeling that you understand the word “understanding” now? My guess is yes. Now I want to introduce you to two processes that I suggest that you adopt in your daily work life.
The One-on-One Meeting - You need to have meetings with all of your Teamers on a regular basis to encourage understanding and bonding between the two of you.
Manage by Walking Around to See What’s Going On - I was never a Middle that liked to stay in my office/cube. There was too much going on “out there” and I often would “sign-off” from my desk, telephone, email and computer and seek out the first person I could find that would talk with me. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve found a problem, solution or an idea while cruising around among my Teamers.
Let’s go into more detail on each of the processes in the following sections.
The One-on-One Meeting
“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”
- Albert Schweitzer
The first thing that you need to do is to understand and know each of your Teamers. What are their goals, values, skills, wants, needs and potential contributions to the success of your team and the Organization?
Start having regular meetings with all of your Teamers. The frequency is up to your working relationship with each Teamer. Once a week is best to start out with, but some folks will only need to get with you every other week or even once a month. The frequency will depend on the person, their assignments, your understanding of their needs and your overall working relationship with them. But make sure that these meetings are habitual that is “every Tuesday at 10:00.” Depending on the number of Teamers that you have you will need to reserve blocks of time during your workweek. I suggest reserving an entire morning or afternoon for these sessions. You’ll get into the One-on-One “groove!”
Make sure that this is not viewed as an adversarial meeting or a gotcha session due to the name. It is to help the two of you get to know one another better. This should be a special time spent together. Spend your time wisely with your Teamers. Make it a positive time together. You should have only two goals for the One-on-One meeting:
Help your Teamer feel better about you, themselves and the Organization.
Help you understand them and their needs, wants, dreams and concerns so that you can help them work in the “flow” as much as possible.
You and your Teamer should prepare a written agenda for each One-on-One meeting. Keep each One-on-One meeting to no longer than a half hour. If you need more time, set up another session.
Sometimes you “inherit” Teamers through reorganization and you don’t know these folks as well as those that you’ve hired. The One-on-One meeting is an excellent way to “get to know” new Teamers. I’ve “inherited” lots of new Teamers over my years as a Middle, usually through budget and staff cuts and reorganization, and the One-on-One meeting helps these new folks feel more comfortable working with you now, rather than old “what’s his name” (you!) that they’ve heard all about though the “grapevine.” Your goals are to get to know them and to get rid of their concerns and problems with the “transition.” Empower them by knowing them to help them work in the “flow!”
Some suggested agenda items for One-on-One meetings would be at least these topics:
Accomplishments during past time period
Goals for next time period
Problems or concerns
Training opportunities
Other general “stuff”
Your goal must also be for your Teamers to walk away with a positive feeling about your meeting, including the following:
They are in a comfort zone and can feely express themselves. There is trust and honesty present in each meeting.
You work on what needs to be done – DIRECTION!!
Make needed decisions. Stop tangent thinking and the paralysis-by-analysis syndrome.
Have them feel that you really care about them, their work and their overall success as well as that of the team and the Organization.
Address any problems or concerns they have.
It is your job as the Middle to do everything that you can do to create the best possible meeting environment. Ask them how their One-on-One meetings can be more effective and how you can be a better leader for them. Then listen and do what you can to address their ideas and suggestions.
I want to thank Senior Tom for being the first to ever have a One-on-One meeting with me and teaching me what these times could be. He taught me a lot and was one of the best Seniors that I ever worked with.
“The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.”
- Abraham Lincoln
Manage by Walking Around to See What’s Going On
“You’re the only guy up there in that computer palace that ever comes down here on the shop floor to see what’s really going on and what we really do. All the others up there just tell us what they want us to do.”
- Anonymous Machinist at the Cincinnati Milling Machine Company
“My door is always open” is a great idea, but you need to get out on the floor and talk with your Teamers. You need to focus on managing people not things but also focus on getting and using things to help your people and make their lives better.
The quote above came from an old, crotchety machinist that I worked with at the Cincinnati Milling Machine Company, at that time the largest machine tool manufacturer in the world. I was a computer programmer working on a bill of material/parts explosion system. The customer would order machine tool number whatever and the system was to identify all the needed “parts” (down to screws, bolts and nuts!!) that needed to be built, with all of the appropriate lead times and shop floor locations to maximize and speed up the assembly of the machine tool. It took over two years to build some of these machine tools! This machinist told me straight away one day, “Those computer wizards up there don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground! I build these tools with these cards!” And he reached into his shirt pocket for a stack of dirty and worn 3 x 5 inch index cards about an inch thick with an old rubber band holding them together.
“Are you serious?” I asked him. And he responded “See that’s the difference between you and those other computer wizards. At least you ask questions and listen!”
This event provided me with a lasting insight that I always needed to be out on the “floor” talking with and listening to everyone; my Teamers (and Coworkers too) looking for problems and potential solutions. Perhaps it was new software, a change in your processes, or perhaps your policies that can make things work better.
Lastly, every payday I always walked around and handed out the pay checks to all of my Teamers with a personal “thank-you!” to each of them. Make sure that you spend time with each Teamer, as often as possible aside from One-on-One sessions. Impromptu meetings are often the best and most rewarding and you can’t have them just staying in your work space on your computer or telephone. Get out there and talk and listen to your Teamers!!!
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”
- Maya Angelou
Lastly, as I did the research on the meaning of “understanding” mentioned earlier I stumbled upon an excellent article that appeared on HuffPost. It was written by Najma Khorrami, MPH, Contributor who is an “Advice Blogger, Contributing to self-empowerment at any age, especially for young adults.” I offer this article to you with no changes made by me since there is simply NOTHING that I could do to improve it! Enjoy it, I did!!
5 Tips To Be More Understanding
Do you want to be understood? Your feelings, circumstances, and point of view, for example. Do you make an effort to understand other people, even your closest friends? Most people, while wanting to be understood, do not simply have the time or energy to listen closely, really empathize and attempt to understand one another. Yet, innately, we each desire to truly feel understood.
Why is it that while we want to feel understood, the ability to understand one another is so challenging?
Here are some tips to create more understanding in our lives, especially for those who we care about:
1. ASSUME THE LEAST ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON, RESERVING YOUR JUDGEMENT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, WHILE SHOWING GENUINE EMPATHY.
“Our days are happier when we give people a piece of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.” This quote summarizes how empathy and understanding can bring satisfaction to us while providing comfort to others. This cycle of satisfaction and comfort can also prevent and solve many problems in our social lives. Appreciating our differences of opinion, meanwhile, is a building block to understanding one another.
2. TRY TO LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND, RATHER THAN LISTENING TO REPLY.
“The biggest communication problem is that we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.” It is okay if we fail to understand but have the courage to reply I don’t know how to reply to that. That sounds tough. It’s better to face the truth instead of replying without showing understanding.
Consider friends and family. We might not have an answer for why someone could be feeling frustrated, angry or upset. The wisest thing to do, according to the above quote, is to try and just listen, and be a vessel of comfort.
3. GIVE YOUR OWN SELF THE MOST UNDERSTANDING.
Quite possibly, the reason we don’t have the time or energy to understand one another could be because we don’t have a close understanding of ourselves. Do you give yourself permission to express yourself? Do you think it’s okay to feel a certain way? Be kind to yourself. Your skills in understanding others can strengthen, essentially through practice, by learning first and foremost to understand yourself.
4. CONSIDER LEARNING TO UNDERSTAND OTHERS AS A STRENGTH, NOT A WEALNESS.
Perhaps some might consider showing understanding or empathy as a weakness. Question this. Think about how many quality friendships you might gain, or lives you might uplift, by becoming more understanding. As I have written before, quality relationships are shown in very recent research to be the No. 1 predictor of health and happiness long into old age. This is one convincing reason to have more understanding in our lives.
5. REMEMBER, YOU GET BACK WHAT YOU ASK FOR.
Oprah once wisely said, “You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.” The fact of the matter is, our journeys take effort. You might be searching to be understood. Or want to be more understanding towards a loved one. Whatever it is, be courageous enough to look for it, and the return might be closer than you think.
While we are each a work in progress, becoming more understanding will certainly give us more comfort and support in our lives, while strengthening close bonds. Try these 5 tips, and hopefully you will see the added benefit!
I wish you empowerment, happiness, peace and every success!
Jonesy